Lep ti nokat :D

The cake was alive
I just got back from Novi Sad. The day was really long, but really epic. I enjoyed every (almost) moment of it, except from the ride to the city by a stranger where we thought we were gonna be raped and murdered. o.O But more on that later.

First, the morning began with me waking up and feeling an probably looking like a zombie. After somehow managing to pull myself together, I went to the bus station. I went with a friend (we'll just call her Vrapčica), and her TAtiTzAxXx derpy mica dad drove us there. The moment we left the car, a rather indie taxi driver jumped upon us and persuaded us way too easily to go with him. He offered us a bit cheaper ride than the bus. He called this lady, another customer of his, and we were ready to go. She's your typical woman who dresses and acts like a slutty bimbo, but at least she was nice and didn't speak more than necessary.

For starters, the strange guy looked rather... strange, and the thought that he was taking this woman too made me feel a bit more at ease, but most of the trip I thought how we should open the door and jump out the moment he slows down a bit xD But the atmosphere got a bit better after the bimbo tried to text a message to someone.

Jezivi vozač: E, možeš da pošalješ poruku za mene?
Kurwa (zatečeno): Ovaj... molim?
Jezivi vozač: Pa da pošalješ poruku kolegi? Ja ne mogu, vozim.
Kurwa: Ovaj... a zašto?
J. V.: Pa vozim, nemam slobodne ruke.
Kurwa: A, evo...
(Vrapčica i ja razmenjujemo ugrožene poglede, ali nivo gluposti u ženi nas istovremeno fascinira.)

Kurwa nekako uspeva da iskuca poruku, međutim onda nam se okreće i pruža telefon)
Kurwa: Izvini, možeš li samo da pošalješ poruku?
Ja: ...?
Kurawa: Ne mogu da pritisnem dugme, kače mi se nokti.
Ja: Oh...
(Nokti su joj bili užasno dugački i fensi i onako zaista kurvinjski. Ali kao i svaki pravi džentlmen, pomažem kurvama u nevolji (???)i pomažem joj da pošalje poruku. Vrapčica gleda i bori se da ne prasne u smeh. Majku mu, kako je uspela da iskuca poruku, a ne može da klikne jedno dugme da je pošalje?!)

The journey continues, and there's a cloud of silence above us all the time. The driver remembered that he was supposed to fill his tank before, and with a lot of swearing turns around 180° and makes some dangerous maneuvers in order to return to a gas station. Thankfully, after that we had no more problems or random conversations with the long-nailed woman. We actually made it to the Novi Sad station alive and un-raped (god I love this word :Đ). Turns out our host is still asleep/just woke up and can't manage to pick us up. He says he'll be there as fast as he can. And again, we're immediately jumped by another independent taxi driver
- Treba vožnja do Beograda, jeftino je, samo 300 dinara.
- Ne TreBa, TeK sm0 STiglI. SxTA Si NAwAli0?! (nkz0!)
I'm not able to socialize properly before having my morning coffee/at least 9 hours of sleep.

Vrapčica and I begin wandering the bus station and do the first thing that comes natural - go to the little shops that sell snacks, drinks, sandwiches and some baked goods. We don't actually buy anything, but see an ad poster (cheap coffee to go!) We go there in an instant.

Turns out we're in a very retro restaurant by the name of Casablanca. We settle down for some coffee and wait for our friend to pick us up. But he didn't show up for quite a while, so we were just sitting there and were fascinated by pretty much everything like idiots.

- Kako je retrooooo <3
- Daaaa... Čak je i konobarica retro! Pogledaj kako je žena milf!

- I nekako mi je u nekom Jugoslavija fazonu...
- Da, tako je... retro... o.o Skontaj ove zastave...
- TiT0 yE ZXiW u nAsxEm sRtZu <3

- o__O

And so on x3 There was even an ancient... thingy that holds sugar. It's... not possible to describe with words how strange that thing was. The first thing I did with it was to weaponize it. Beside that, there was a tiny, little, old tv that was later showing Slagalica. How badass is that? x)

And finally, our host decided to show up. We gave him a warm welcome.
- E, konačno sam vas našao i...
- ImA dA tE tuCxEm!
Yeah, the coffee didn't kick in yet. But after having a sugar overdose, Vrapčica started laughing at literally everything. Our host (let's call him Gospodin Poenta) was talking about us volunteering at the Exit music festival next summer, living at the camp there, and of course going to the stages during the concerts.

- Moj tata može da nam obezbedi neke veze pa da radimo tamo, prodajemo narukvice...
- AAAA, narukviceeee... ahaha, ja ovde umirem

- Ali nisam rekao ništa...
- Ahahahaha jesi ni ne znaš :ĐĐĐĐĐĐ
- Uglavnom! Moj tata...
- O božeeeee tatahahahaha

- o___O
- Izvinite, pukla sam :Đ

Yeah, she really did. After pulling herself together, Vrapčica allowed g0sp0diNu p0EnTi to continue the conversation. He actually finished talking about Exit and we drank our coffee and began exploring the wonders of Novi Sad. Yeah...

The wonders: first thing he did was dragging us to a park full of pigeons. We actually wanted to stay there, but nooooo, we had to go to a spot full of dead vegetation and loud children. But that wasn't so bad, just meh. After that, we visited the museum of modern art - didn't like it either, but they did have some quite nice war machines. Seeing an old, decaying cannon in the middle of a street is kinda impressive.

After being psychically broken, we started searching for shelter, and found it at... McDonald's. Yeah. There we had lunch. Most of the food was average, but the chicken salad was pure deliciousness. Never thought I'd eat and enjoy salads at McDonald's o.O Anyway, after recovering strength, we began wandering the town aimlessly. So yeah, we visited an... ethno fair... thing. A bunch of villagers from our lovely country offering some home-made honey, soups, sweets, spirits and even carpentry. But we were just taking a look, the things were way too expensive.

After that we visited a church or two, but not to pray or anything, but to admire the art. Yeah, something every normal teenager does :D We went to pretty much every church except the Orthodox one. Even the Jewish Synagog.

- Jao, ko je ova riba?
- Ne znam, ali baš je milf :D
- Pa valjda devica Marija.
- Ili možda Marija Magdalena.
- Pa to ti je isto.
- E pA nIyE!
- Nije bitno, bitno je da je bila s0t0njara! Gle kako je sva u crnom!
*random old women saying their prayers look at us carefully*

I don't remember the rest exactly, but I know we went to a bazaar/mall place and pretty much went up and down the escalators like idiots. The only mall in our town was closed before many years, and we couldn't really ride the escalators when we were kids. neiživljene fantazije :Đ
There we went to a game store and browsed games. I want a PS3 :c Vrapčica had her fangirl moments and gleed over Dragon age CDs.
- Nemaju ovaj najnoviji DLC :c
- Pa zato je to i DLC...
- Stvarno? :0

Later, g0sp0dIn p0EntA had to go and take a camera. He always has at least 5 useless hobbies at the time. Currently, he's an aspiring:
- Film director
- Composer
- English teacher
- Six words story writer
- Poet

As you may guess, I do not approve. Anyways, he dragged us to an abandoned building and told us random trivia about it (There was a bench here. It's gone now.) Vrapčica and I were sitting on some cold stairs because the bench was stolen, and waiting for our host to take the goddamn camera. Then, a hipster girl showed up and it turned out she is another young aspiring film director too.

She managed to fuck her camera up and they had to go and find another or whatever. Our host directed Vrapčica and me to a restaurant, promising us cheesecake. We entered, and were stunned. It was waaaaay to classy for us. We are two starving students, and the people inside were way to rich for us. There were old, stylish ladies that were wearing mink, gentlemen in suits and so on. We looked like hobos compared to them.

We ran out in an instant. We made our way back to the Bazaar without having to ask anyone for directions, especially not twice :Đ
There we settled for some nice coffee (they have filtered coffee, which surprised me a bit) and cheesecake! ^^ It was delicious, food of the gods, ambrosia.

Gospodin Poenta later called us and asked where we are. After giving him directions, he showed up after a long long time. We hanged out there, and later he dragged us to Frida, a café named after Frida Kahlo. I'm not sure if it's an official café, much like our Rupa. But Rupa is better :Đ (and cheaper for sure)
Anyone who's at least a bit familiar with Frida Kahlo's art knows that she was obsessed with autoportraits. The fact that she had a massive unibrow is not helping at all. Well, there was a room filled with her autoportraits. Luckily, we didn't settle there.

After being in Frida (that's what she said?), we had sandwiches for dinner.
- Možete da kupite dva mala ili jedan veliki pa da ga delite.
- ...
Gotta love double entendres!

After everything, we went to the Yugoslavia retro restaurant, settled for a last coffee while waiting for our bus home. I think this journey can end only with a quote from the greatest piece of literature in the history of humanity:
Kada smo se vratili napokon u Enrot Zrenjanin jedan sveštenik nam je otvorio teleport i mi smo se vratili nazad u naš Enrot Zrenjanin.

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